i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
