My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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