problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
