i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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