theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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