Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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