so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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