i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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