I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
