Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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