just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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