My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
