I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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