There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
