First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
