i don't like sucking hair
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
