Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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