pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
