Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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