i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
