I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
