She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
