i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
