oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
