his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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