this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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