i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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