you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
