Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
