I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
