Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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