if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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