the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
