i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
