It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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