I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
