I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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