that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
