He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
