I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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