Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
