she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
