Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
