Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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