im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
