In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
