dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
