The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
