If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
