i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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