I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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