It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
