my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like, not good at living.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
