Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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