he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
