Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
