You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize