i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize