i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
