If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
