sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize