I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
