I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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