Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
