Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
